In humans, unlike in animals, sex has some instinct and a lot of culture and society. So that this impulse is not buried in worldly affairs, we must therefore enhance it, dedicate time to it and find space for it.
These are, in my opinion, some sexual tasks for 2024, aimed at alleviating certain shortcomings with which most of us can identify.
Give yourself more time for sex and relationships
It occurs to me that one definition of someone elegant is someone who has plenty of time. Those who practice some dance as a couple will know that, while beginners run to be able to do the figures and continue carrying the rhythm, good dancers not only have time to execute the steps, but to smile and show their flow. The minutes and seconds seem to be longer for the latter, who are relaxed and sure that the clock is not their enemy, but their ally; from which it follows that time has a certain relative dimension, depending on how it is managed. So if time is essential in almost all areas, it is also essential in sexual matters. And I’m not just referring to what lasts in bed, but how it is managed before getting to bed; from the moment we meet someone we are attracted to until we manage to be with him/her in a horizontal position.
Once again, the inexperienced lover, like the dancer, will begin a crazy race against time to achieve their goal. He will lack time and then he will start making mistakes. He will not bother to invest hours and days in getting to know the other, he will pounce on his prey at the least appropriate moment and, if it does not go well the first time, he will avoid new contacts because he will feel clumsy, a failure, a loser. . Or, on the contrary, he will blame his, until recently, object of desire that, suddenly, has located itself at the antipodes, in the universe of things without substance.
Do not think that I am advocating a return to the times of our grandmothers, when courting a lady or paying attention to a gentleman could last months and even years; but I observe that the way of approaching relationships is accelerating and acquiring a centrifugal force. So many things have to be done in such a short period of time that nothing good can come out of this equation; because quality is at enmity for life with immediacy.
I am sure that the failure of many couples, relationships, affairs and even gray hair in the air of a single night is due to lack of time. There was no time to get to know each other, to delve deeper into the other, to treat them as they deserved, to wait for them, to surprise them, to design the perfect strategy, to think about it, dream about it, savor it from a distance and then check if, in reality, it was sweeter. , more sour or more salty. Many would respond to this argument “I don’t have time for all that”, and I would answer that, like in dancing, we have to practice and practice until we slow down, until time goes slower. So, deep down, we are not wasting time but gaining it.
See people, not ideological stereotypes
There will be many who find it difficult to recognize that male-female relationships have become quite cloudy in recent years. The concept MAN and the concept WOMAN, and I write it in capital letters, seem to be experiencing a period of disagreements. They complain, not without some reason, of being demonized by society and that the machismo or misogyny of a few has tarnished the reputation of all. “Garrote al machote” is a graffiti that I see on a wall near my house. Testosterone, that hormone so necessary for both sexes, responsible, among other things, for desire, mood, muscles and bones, is experiencing its lowest hours.
It is inevitable that when we meet someone we don’t know well we also meet all the clichés that surround them. The man, educated in the domain of the male who cannot avoid falling into some micro-machismo, in the best of cases. The eternally angry woman who has denounced the patriarchal dictatorship; but what, deep down, she wants is to establish matriarchy. Since I am a sexologist, many male acquaintances end up telling me that they are afraid to date women, that they are very empowered, that they don’t pass one on you and that if something happens, the law will always be on their side. Female comments are more varied and fall into two aspects. Generally, mature women denounce the machismo that still prevails, they complain that there are no more available men and, then, as a 55-year-old friend told me, they hope “to find one who will put me back and a half.” The youngest girls, however, complain that boys no longer suit them and they are the ones who must take the first step. My advice is always the same: we must try to abstract ourselves from these cultural-ideological topics and get to know the people behind them. The crowd is usually hateful, but within it there are truly fascinating people.
Schedule spaces and times for sex
If we plan work, time with friends or family and vacations; Why is it so difficult for us to plan dates or sexual encounters? The answer to this question is that many people associate sex and pleasure with the spontaneous, the random, the irrational; the emotional, which is exempt from rules and schedules. Surely they think about that time they met someone in a bar and ended up having the best sex of their lives. “Bah! “When these things are so scheduled, they never turn out well!” whispers in our ears that little puritan devil who ridicules all our efforts because part of our lives are classified X.
Perhaps we should recognize that if our sexual dimension is not as buoyant as we would like, it is surely because we do not invest time in it and leave it to chance, or in the last place of the list. ranking of things to do, after work, the administration, social or family interaction or hours in front of the television and on social networks. We do not fertilize it, nor water it and then, when we use it, we demand maximum performance from it.
A good exercise for next year is to propose one sexual chore a week (whether you are as a couple or alone). Something fun, surprising, different. It occurs to me, for example, to play hide-and-seek in a part of the city until you find it, to go to the countryside to have a picnic with a happy ending… Let your imagination fly and ignore the little devil who tells you that it is corny, a depraved or too old for those things. Deep down, what happens to him is that he envies him.
If you want to find a partner, become the best candidate
Paradoxically, the difficulty of finding a partner grows at the same time as apps of citations multiply and specialize. So many people available and wanting to find their better half and so many single people, that with each passing day they see how their expectations of mating plummet! The point is that when we look for something our energies are focused on finding, selecting the best candidates, finding that person who meets our expectations. That is, in everything except ourselves. And we pay little attention to whether what we offer is tempting or not.
I do not deny that if someone is looking for company they should invest some time in it. However, where we should invest our strength is in becoming the perfect couple, in being better, in enhancing our sexuality, in being able to reach that future relationship in an elegant way, without the desperate need for the other, which turns us into beggars. That would be the best investment, because when the other person is in front of us they will see someone highly interesting, and not a demander.
They have taught us wrong something very important that the book exposes Interior space. The adventure of being yourself, by Antonio Jorge Larruy (Ediciones Luciérnaga). “Life is not a process of acquisition but rather a deployment,” he says. And he continues: “We usually start from the belief that we are nothing and that the more we fill ourselves, the more we are. When it turns out that it is the other way around, that at the beginning we already have potential, and life, instead of being a process of incorporation, is a process of deployment.” In relation to the topic at hand, the book specifies: “This attitude of dedication is perceived with some clarity in the energetic aspect, but in other aspects it is not so evident. For example, if you want to be in good physical shape, it does not occur to you to think that by interacting with elite athletes you will be strong; It is clear that you have to start exercising in the sport you have chosen. But this is so obvious, on an emotional level we do not see it so clearly, because at this level we think that surrounding ourselves with people who are special to us, with someone who loves us, with nice, beautiful people, etc., we are going to feel happy; And it is not like that. The same rule applies here and that is that my affectivity grows to the extent to which I exercise it. “Happiness depends not on the circumstance in which we find ourselves, but on our ability to exercise affectivity.”
